I wish I could punch you in the face.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
