I wannas sexs uuuuu
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
