Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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