he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
