i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
