then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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