I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
