I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize