I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
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found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
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I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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