hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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