There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
