I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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