My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Drunk is not a location!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
