All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
