i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you will always have a special place in my vag
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
