Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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