i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
