she looked like the bat from fern gully.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
