I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
