I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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