saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
