so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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