I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
