My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
