I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
