I puked a lego.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
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Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
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She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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