Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
