Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
there's paper in my vomit.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
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we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
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You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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