Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
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Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
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sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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