Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
