she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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