Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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