dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
