I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
