Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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