Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
