i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Blood and glitter go together right?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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