Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
