Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
