Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
