I think I won the penis lottery.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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