dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
if only i could text you this smell
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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