I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
