U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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