Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Boobs speak an international language.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
