I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
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