Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
