how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize