he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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