the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
