just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
