remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
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