I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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