My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
