i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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