I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
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Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
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That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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