1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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