Porn is love you can see.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
