:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
