U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
