your parents love me but you hate me
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
